Facing the Past

[sarapals]

Also posted at fanfiction.net
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5273836/1/

Sara Sidle Grissom knew this day was coming. For ten years, she had lived with a certain dread knowing a letter, a lawyer, or a woman would arrive with all the legal words to break her heart. She held the oversized envelope and smoothed the document it brought with her hand. She went to find her husband.

Noise from the porch filtered throughout the house as happy voices giggled and talked?sounds from her daughters. Even as the contents of the letter weighed on her thoughts, she smiled. They had a happy home.

Some days she had to stop to realize this was her life, her family who laughed and loved and protected each other, who had grown from babies to toddlers to children in a blink of an eye. They would all become teenagers?one already was?in a few years. She pushed open the door to see three girls engrossed in books, reading to each other in exaggerated voices that made it difficult to determine if what they read was comedy or drama.

?Hi, Mom!? One said, her dark hair and smile giving her a strong resemblance to Sara.

The other two added their own greeting. All three had the blue eyes of their father, but two had his smile, his curly hair, a feminine replica of his form, even the enigmatic look he gave. More often than not Sara had to laugh at the influence of genes on the appearances of four of her children. One daughter with dark hair was all she could claim.

?Where?s your dad?? She asked.

Rapidly, three hands waved in the same direction. ?Eli and Will are with him? one of the twins called as she left the porch and heard one return to reading from her book.

They had so many halcyon days, she thought, as she watched clouds trail across a blue sky. These peaceful days were so unlike the ones of her own childhood, so difficult, so turbulent; the cycle of abuse could be broken. Her family was proof.

The doors to the large barn-like structure were open and she could see three figures moving around inside. The building was no barn?no animals other than a dog and several cats ever entered the place. Her husband had built it for his projects; beekeeping, garden supplies, bug collections, a dozen other experiments, and now this current project.

A large brown dog trotted to meet her. A cat stretched lazily in the edge of sunlight at the doorway.

?Mom!? The smallest figure ran to meet her. Will, her youngest, was a miniature of Gil Grissom, and still young enough to wrap arms around her waist in an enthusiastic hug. ?We are making lots of progress! Wait til you see!? He continued to chatter about what they were working on and by the time both arrived inside the building, her husband and older son were wiping hands and waiting.

?How?s it going?? She asked, knowing the answer as she watched smiles appear on faces. They responded by talking at once, pointing to various groupings of parts and pieces on tables and on the floor.

?At one time your mom could take a car apart faster than any man around,? said her husband, referring to a time before any of the children were born.

Sara laughed, saying, ?Taking apart, not putting together.?

The most recent project was an old car, purchased from its previous owner who had grown tired of having it in pieces in his garage. Now, the floor, countertops, and tables were strewed with parts, some recognizable, but most were odd metal objects, bolts, screws, and fasteners in various shapes and sizes.

?Warm cookies in the kitchen?ready to eat,? Sara said. ?Enough for everyone.?

The two boys took off in a run. The older boy, Eli, slowed after a short sprint for his brother to catch up. Their parents watched as Eli wrapped arms around Will and lifted the smaller boy from the ground. Eli had grown into the lanky frame of his father?Warrick Brown, his father, had died in Vegas and his birth mother had given him to the Grissom?s when she left the country a decade ago.

Sara and Gil Grissom had adopted Eli but kept in touch with his biological mother. Several times a year, photos were sent along with a letter. Tina Brown seldom replied, having a new family half way around the world.

A hand circled Sara?s waist. ?What?s up?? Grissom knew she held an envelope. He saw the worried look in her eyes.

She sighed and held the letter up for him to see. ?I knew this day would come. She wants to meet Eli.?

His hand tightened around her. He said, ?We have kept that option open. He?s our son?she can?t change that.?

Sara?s voice wavered. ?I?m afraid she will want him?or he will want her.?

Grissom read the letter, pulling his wife against his chest as he did. ?Sara, he?ll make the right decision. You know that.? He felt a slight movement of her head against his neck as he turned to face her and their lips met. He loved this woman. After all these years, he still kissed her like a lover bringing a low sound from her throat.

Placing palms on his chest, she broke the kiss and moved a hand to his face. ?It scares me to death,? she said.

?There is no need. He?s been our son for ten years. She?s a stranger to him.?

?She?s his real mother.?

He knew nothing he said would halt her fears. Instead, he said, ?Let?s go tell everyone.? He grinned. ?We?ll be lucky to have a few crumbs left.?

By the time they returned to the house, five children had consumed everything on the plate with the exception of two cookies. Ava, one of the twins, was circling the plate with a damp finger. Grissom pulled his young daughter to his side as he sat at the table.

Sara pushed the plate to Grissom. She could not eat, but watched as her husband and daughter laughed and ate the last two cookies.

He was a lucky man, Gil Grissom thought. He had been fifty years old before he realized happiness was not wrapped around work, and in a few years, went from a life as a loner to a husband and father to five happy, well adjusted children. He smiled at his wife as she faced him across the table?concern about this letter etched across her face.

[sixtyplus]

great a new story ,I personally dont think that Sara has anything to worry about but who knows anything can happen in fanfiction land ,and in real life i suppose more again very soon please :

[GSRLOVER34]

Great start! I agree with sixtyplus. 

[Billyjorja]

Love the start.  Kids growing up.

What does Tina really want - money I would suspect.

Nice to have you back girls.

[Butterfly114]

Welcome back girls, agree this is a great start, anxious to see how Eli feels about this meeting.

[sarapals]

?Eli?s green eyes widened as his mother read the letter. ?Do I have to meet her?? He asked.

Sara?s eyes met Grissom?s.

He said, ?Think about it. I?I think you should.?

Eli turned to Sara. ?Mom??

?You decide, Eli.? The thirteen year old was almost her height now. In another year, he would be taller?she smiled as she touched his face. He was so much like his father?his eyes, his long slim fingers, the grin that broke across his face with his thoughts and as he teased his sisters.

?Can all of us meet her?? He asked. The four people he considered his sisters and brother sat around the table, unusually quiet.

Sara was not surprised at his question. The children were so close, so alike in many ways but she had not thought of the impact on them. Grissom often quoted Alexandre Dumas? line from The Three Musketeers, ?all for one, one for all? when he talked about his children.

They lived in an isolated farming community with a group of nuns as neighbors and parents older than average who wrote books and researched bugs. Sara knew her children were considered a force of five in the local school. The children had friends, seemed to be well liked by others, participated in various activities, but they were best friends as well as siblings. She and Grissom had grown up too fast?intelligent children thrown into an adult world. Both were determined to prevent a similar life for their own children.

With Eli?s question, Sara looked at Grissom. He shook his head. ?The letter asks for a meeting with you but we will ask. And we can all go?spend a day in the city,  spend the night and be tourists.?

Eli smiled, worry left his face. ?Tell her I?ll meet her and I want her to meet my sisters.? His hand swiped across Will?s curls, ?and my little brother!?

?Grissom succeeded in setting up a meeting as Eli requested. The attorney stated the biological parent wanted to talk to Eli, but she agreed to meet the family.

?He needs to meet her,? Grissom said. ?He has watched the video of Warrick, and while he?s never questioned his adoption, he should see her?talk to her.?

Sara worried as she reluctantly made plans. Even a short day trip meant planning, and an overnight trip added layers to the list. At least their neighbors were willing to look after the dog and the cats, even stay in the house if needed.

The children?s excitement seemed to over ride any apprehension or concerns they had, but Sara knew they talked. She watched as each packed a small bag; they had learned to travel light, sharing certain items, and were more excited about a trip to the city than meeting a stranger.

?Bizzy knew her mother was upset; anxiety and uncertainty remained on her face even as she laughed and took care of them. Few things occurred that slipped by Bizzy?s acute observations. Her mother said it was a gift; her dad would smile, calling it a family trait. She did not talk as much as her sisters and her two brothers were busy following their dad to notice what else was happening.

Bizzy knew when her mom worried?about one of them, or about a deadline for a book or when her dad was thinking about a new project. She knew her parents passed a secret look that made her mom blush; her dad?s hand on her mom?s bottom meant he loved her in a different way than he loved his children; and when her dad kissed her mom, she knew it was passion?she had looked up the word?s definition once.

She knew when Aunt Catherine came once a year, bringing gifts for everyone; she paid extra attention to Eli in very subtle ways. Bizzy knew her dad called a lady twice a year and talked about Zo? and Alison, then he would hold one of his daughters and read rhyming stories from his thick Shakespeare book. She had looked at photos and asked questions until her dad chuckled and told her she was too much like her mother.

This trip to the city was the cause of her mother?s recent worry?no, she corrected. Her mom loved the city?it was the lady they were going to meet. Eli?s real mother, the one who gave birth to him was causing this unusual upset. Eli pretended he didn?t care, but she knew.

One day as they played, Eli said, ?Do you think I look like her?? And she said, ?No, you look like Warrick.? He nodded and they returned to their play. She and Eli knew how he had come to be part of this family, to be her brother. His real father was dead; his mother had gone to live in some Asian place with a tongue twisting name and Eli had become a Grissom by adoption.

Now, this woman, a stranger to all of them, wanted to meet Eli, talk to him, and their mom worried. Because her mother worried, so did Bizzy. She helped her mother, tried to keep her sisters busy and helped them pack their small bags for one night in the city. But tonight, as the three girls talked, joined by Eli and Will, Annie and Ava started to cry which caused Will to cry. She and Eli, as the oldest, were trying not to let tears fall. It was all so confusing?even when her dad said everything would be fine, even when Eli said he was happy and would never leave them. And she started to cry and failed to notice when her sister left the room. ..

[GSRLOVER34]

Great chapter! I don't think Sara and the others have anything to worry about, Eli loves them all very much.

[Billyjorja]

Great update.  Oops forgot they adopted Eli, silly me.

[sarapals]

?Sara held a book but had not turned a page in fifteen minutes. She jumped when Grissom?s fingers touched the top of the book.

?Honey,? he closed her book and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. ?It?s going to be fine. She wants to meet him?that?s all she can do.?

They shared a huge bed but slept curled together. Tonight they sat side by side as both attempted to read. Her head rested against his shoulder.

?I know. It?s just?? her hand wiped her eyes. ?I?m afraid, Gil. What if he decided he wants to spend time with her? What do we say??

Grissom reached to dim the lights. ?Sara, you are a great mother. Eli knows this. He may want to know more about Tina?we?ll deal with it. She gave him up, signed away parental rights.?

?I want him to be happy.?

Grissom kissed her, caressing her arm, bringing her closer. ?He?ll be fine. You will be fine.?

Sara brought her hand to her husband?s face. After all these years, his touch fanned a warm flame deep within her. She returned his kiss, hearing a quiet groan from his chest.

?Mom? Dad??

The beginning of a passionate groan became a growl as the kiss was broken. The young voice came as little more than a loud whisper from beyond the closed door.

Grissom said, ?Come in, sweetheart.? He used the same appellation for all three daughters yet the tone of the word changed for each girl.

Annie, the child Sara had worried about in her young life because she was so quiet, appeared. She was no longer quiet, but a bright, precocious image of her father, her head of curls falling around her shoulders. The child was on their bed in a few running strides across the room.

Both parents saw her tear stained face before she buried her head into her mother?s shoulder.

?What?s wrong?? Sara asked.

?Ava?s crying too and Bizzy said we shouldn?t?even though she?s crying too.?

Grissom?s hand cradled the child?s head as he asked, ?What?s this all about??

Watery blue eyes met his.  ?Is Eli going to leave us? Will the woman take him away??

Grissom shook free of bedcovers and got out of bed. ?I?ll get everyone so we can get some sleep.?

He ambled out of the bedroom and headed to the next room?one filled with three beds and little girl belongings. The house had been remodeled since he and Sara had moved in?what had been adequate for a couple and one baby had become seriously crowded with five children. Yet their three daughters still shared a bedroom and the two boys were together in a smaller room. There were three empty rooms upstairs but all attempts to move anyone met resistance or lasted a few days.

He flipped on a light. ?Girls,? he called, ?Eli, Will, everyone in our room.?

The answering footsteps hurrying in his director told him no one was sleeping. He smiled as four children filed into the bedroom.  The two girls wore pastel sleep shirts printed in butterflies or faeries and the boys wore rumpled, miss-matched and faded tee shirts and pants. The older boy leaned into his dad?s chest, knowing he was the cause of this late night disruption.

By the time he had wrapped an arm around Eli, the others had climbed into the bed and surrounded their mother. He had always been amazed at how his wife calmed their children. She managed to touch each one?a hand on a chin or cheek, a finger brushing a curl behind an ear. He and Eli found places as arms and legs shifted to include two more.

?Now,? he said, as one child curled in his lap and another tucked next to his arm, ?what is keeping everyone up so late? And what?s with the weepy eyes??

Eli, as the oldest, and trying to maintain his composure, had managed to sit with crossed legs at the feet of his parents. ?It?s because she wants to see me?I?I told them I wasn?t going with her but Ava said she might take me away.? He paused for a few seconds, his green eyes flashing. ?But I won?t go?she can?t make me.?

Sara?s hand motion moved the boy from his place to one between his parents and her hand gently combed his tight curls as she kissed him above his eye. Physically, he was not her child; not born of her body, shared no genes with anyone in the bed, but he was hers, in her heart as none of the others could be. She remembered the moment of her discover of this child?shortly after his father?s death. His surprise arrival into their home seemed like yesterday, and now, his long arms and legs, his efforts to be an adult in a boy?s body, caused her eyes to form tears as she saw the image of his father.

Grissom had seen the emotions play across her face; he saw four pairs of round, young eyes looking at him. He cleared his throat before speaking.

?A long time ago,? he began, because ten years was a lifetime to these children, ?Eli came to live with us. We adopted him?you know this. His birth mother would like to see Eli?that?s all. She can?t take him away because he belongs in our family.? He paused as he watched the faces around him. ?She wants to see him, talk to him, and, I think Eli would like to see her.? He looked at the boy who was lying between he and Sara.

Eli nodded. ?I think I do?I want to see what she really looks like. I want her to meet my family.?

Annie spoke up as Eli finished. ?She can?t take him away, can she? I don?t want Eli to go away.?

?He won?t go any where he doesn?t want to go.? Grissom smiled. ?Now, can we get some sleep? We?ll go to the city tomorrow. Your mom got us hotel reservations at a very special place. We can ride a double-deck bus and eat Chinese food. It will be fun. We might even find mom?s old apartment?see if it?s still there.? He chuckled as the kids began to giggle. The hunt for Sara?s apartment from twenty years ago was a regular game for them. The apartment had not existed for fifteen years and they knew it, but the ?hunt? with frequent stops to say ?this is where I kissed your mother? always brought laughter to the children.

[Butterfly114]

Beautifully written, the family has such a strong bond, this is so upsetting  for all of them.

[sixtyplus]

What a warm and loving chapter  I loved it ,please continue again very soon .

[GSRLOVER34]

Very sweet chapter!

[sarapals]

It took more time to get children back to bed; Grissom tucked the girls into beds promising a bracelet to one and hair ribbons to the other until he got to his first child. He could never form the words, but this child was his favorite?because she was their beginning, the accidental, welcomed surprise after months of darkness. She was a good, loving, sweet-natured child. Most of all he saw his beloved wife in the happiness of their first daughter, in a childhood of peaceful, secure love that Sara had never experienced. Bizzy radiated all that was right in the world. In this child, he saw all that could be and all that should have been. He bent to kiss her?unlike her sisters, she did not ask for anything.

Tiny lines creased her forehead, and arching one delicate eyebrow, she said, ?Mom is not happy, is she??

Grissom pushed a dark curl away from Bizzy?s cheek before he said, ?She?s worried, Sweetheart. She wants Eli to be happy.?

?He?s happy with us.?

He smiled. ?He is. I?ll remind your mother.?

She snuggled underneath covers. ?Make Mom happy, too. She always loves going to the city.?

Grissom found Sara brushing her hair. He took the brush from her hand. He would never have believed he would learn to comb hair, but he had. He could brush tangled curls into a decent ponytail for each female in his life, and the elastic bands they used seemed to be a permanent addition to his wrist.

?Eli and Will okay?? He asked.

?Yeah. You know Will?he?s always happy, especially if Eli is. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.?

He brushed her hair, pulling it through his hands as he let it fall around her neck. ?And Eli??

?He?s okay. I think he?s more curious than anything.?

He gently massaged her neck. ?And Sara?how are you??

Turning, she leaned against his shoulder. ?Worried?afraid Eli?s curiosity will turn into something else?afraid Tina will decide to reclaim him.?

?Sara.? His hands circled her body as he pulled her to him. ?You worry too much. Eli is happy?we will deal with whatever develops.? He kissed her, knowing her mind continued to run in worrying circles.

?I don?t think I can talk to her?not with Eli.?

?I can take care of that?you can take care of the others. Somehow, I think the Grissom children might be a little overwhelming to anyone. And their mother could take on Rommel single-handed.?

She smiled, then kissed him, softly as a beginning but deepening as he responded. The brush dropped to the floor.

He was the only man Sara had ever loved?furiously, passionate, unyielding for so long that she no longer counted her love in days, or weeks, or even years. She knew she had loved him forever. The touch of his hands had always brought a sense of security to her life, and now, her passion flamed. His fingertips traced some invisible line from her mouth to her chest, his lips greedily following in the same path, circling her breast, lightly touching a faded scar across her abdomen. He dipped lower, applying light pressure to her inner thigh as he kissed the secret, seductive center of her intimate center.

Grissom heard her sharp intake of air as her hands raked into his hair. His touch had provided assurance to Sara but it was her scent that fired his desire. His earliest memory of her?with the exception of her obvious intellect?had been her fragrance; some mix of faint floral and citrus, of clean air and salty sea. He had tried to replicate it once, spending hours at an expensive perfume store only to have her giggle at his efforts as she held up a bar of white soap.

?I don?t wear fragrance,? she said. ?It?s just soap and water and?and how I smell!?

For years he had known when she walked into a room?he could feel, be embraced by an atmosphere of unseen, ghostly mist?some invisible cloud that he secretly referred to as ?that Sara scent.? After all these years of being together, all he had to do was think of her and the olfactory center of his brain kicked in with memories.

He smiled when he heard a soft moan and felt a tug of her hand. He wasn?t quite ready to leave this warm, wet, welcoming cradle of desire.

When she said his name, he moved. The husky whisper of her voice propelled him upward. Eyes that had shown worry were now shining in anticipation, pupils dilated to blackness, a seductive grin across her face. She was unhurried as her hands found that part of him that belonged only to her. A slight shift of bodies brought them together.

She took his breath away; she always did. She smiled again as they kissed and held each other, legs intertwined for several moments until he began to move in the way of lovers.

The sea?why did the physical act of love bring to both thoughts of the sea, of warm living water swirling and flowing freely. Tonight, it was the calm rhythm of an outgoing tide that brought passionate release. They needed love, comfort, and security.

Sara kissed him again and again as she gained the quiet explosion of organism, of falling into a welcomed whirlpool. His was faster, following her by several seconds as he gained release in the way of men, knowing he was a fortunate man to have this woman who molded to his very life as if by divine provenance. She belonged to him as he to her.

The last flickering thought before sleep was the feel of her lips against his chest as she curled beside him in tangled sheets.

[GSRLOVER34]

Great chapter, loved it!

[Billyjorja]

Wonderful chapters.  You did it again - tears rolling down my face.